The Old Lady Poses A Question
Last night I was totally engrossed in the Georgetown-Syracuse basketball game when the old lady buts in to ask about the presidential line of succession. Now this is normally something I don’t get involved in when a Big East game of this magnitude is going on. Luckily for her, halftime was coming up in 43 seconds, and Georgetown was up by a substantial margin.
What brought this “I have to know” discussion on I have no idea, but I knew I was going to be stuck answering some questions.
First, what is the line of succession if something happens to the President?
First is the Vice President, Joe Biden. Then the Speaker of the House, (shudder), Nancy Pelosi. Then the (mentally incompetent), Senate President Pro Tempore, Robert Byrd, followed by Mizz Hillary at State. I could go on here, but this scenario is frightening in and of itself.
It seems that a rumor was running rampant where my wife works that something “BIG” was going to happen on Inauguration Day, and all the people there wanted to know who would take over in case that happened.
So I did my level best to persuade her that no such thing was going to happen, and she seemed to find some comfort there.
Then she came back a little later with, “What if everybody in the line of succession is at the event, and something “BIG” happens?”
Well, I don’t know, and certainly don’t want to think about it, but I’m reasonably confident we could work it out quickly, and respond by taking out whole sections of the Middle East with some weapons the other side doesn’t even know exist.
(Oh…I forgot about diplomacy!)
Well…as Ronnie Raygun used to say…when no one could hear, “The only thing to negotiate is the funeral.”
And as I told you yesterday, I’ll be sitting, or laying, in the sun, contemplating my bellybutton, when the Inauguration happens. I’m going to miss Beyonce, The Jonas Brothers, Bruce Springsteen, P Diddymous, and the Queen of Soul, Aretha, (2000 pound bomb), Franklin. And Oprah, and Scarlet, (Penpal), Johansson.
No, I’ll have my headphones on, and I’ll be listening to Ludwig Van. I downloaded just about everything recorded from the Lud V catalog, and when I run out of that I’ll switch to the Chairman of the Board, Old Blue Eyes.
That ought to take me the day before departure, when I tune in one the greatest of all time, Tony Bennett. You just can’t listen to Tony and not be in a good mood.
Anyway, the old lady finally seemed convinced that no one was going to set off a nuclear bomb on the 20th, and I happily went back to watching Georgetown crush the Orangemen from Syracuse.
If you can’t protect yourself next week by going way south and working on tanning all your fat molecules, you might check out the Stun Master Telescopic Stun Baton, which gives you the power to be Obi Wan Kenobi, or Boris Badanov, depending on your own imagination. Thre isn’t any imagining for the mook you use it on though. They’re going to ride the lightning all the way to hell, or Pottawannamee County, as my Uncle Jack used to say.
He used to say, “If you don’t shut up, I’m going to kick your ass all the way to Pottawannamee County!” He doesn’t say much here these days, since he’s too busy telling stories to a rapt audience upstairs.
http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com.telescopicstunbaton.htm
Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.
Aloha kaua,
Nui (Big) Kahuna
