How To Turn A Big Mean Hound Into A Puddycat
Over the weekend I received a note from a guy that purchased some tools a couple of years back. As I recall it was a rather large purchase, and he had to be providing weapons of mook destruction to a number of family members.
Included in that purchase were some Super Dog Chasers, a relatively inexpensive tool that is made specifically to short circuit a dog’s connective brain tissue by using high frequency sound. Dogs do not dig the sound of high frequency, much the same as I don’t dig Kanye West, but for Fido it’s much worse, and he can’t turn it off.
Soze our dude is getting out of his crate on Friday night when he sees a not too friendly pit bull where he definitely shouldn’t be, and that’s about 10 feet straight ahead. The dog stops, and then starts to exhibit some definite signs of bad behavior.
(And the Dog Whisperer is no where in sight.)
Dude reaches into his pocket, and fingers his DogChaser. A Mexican standoff occurs for a few moments, and then Fido starts toward our Dude, who turns on the Merle Haggard at 150 decibels. (I’m just kidding, high frequency sound doesn’t have genres.)
Fido gets within about three feet when he stops his attack, and starts whining and whimpering like starving puppy, and turns tail. He gets himself about 75 feet away, and lays down, trying to cover his ears.
Now before all you PETA sluts get all worked up about animal cruelty, the sound is not harmful to the dog. It is discomforting, which is why it works, and it keeps dog teeth out of your ass, which isn’t built for canine play.
A lot of mooks now travel with a dog, or dogs, which they have trained to be out of control. The Super Dog Chaser neutralizes these animals in the most humane way I can think of. Back in the old days on the street when I was confronted with a viscous dog, there was only one scenario, and that wasn’t a good one for Fido, although those dogs are much better off now than when they were living with their mook master. Certain societal guidelines prevented me from treating them the same way.
http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/dogchaser.htm
If you watched any of the Sunday morning talk shows yesterday, you know that the Obamessiah’s troops are in a full blown spin cycle. I can’t wait for the State of the Union, which promises to have more shizz in it than a Carolina pig farm. Get your hip boots and shovel ready, it’s going to get deep.
Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.
Aloha kaua,
Nui (Big) Kahuna
I’m sure you’ll be very melancholy to know that I’ve assembled my team of experts (lawyers) together and we are campaigning to give animals – at least the cute ones – the EXACT same rights as humans.
If a cat licks itself in front of you and you sneeze when its loose hairs tickle your nostrils – that’s sexual harassment!!
If you tell a dog to sit, we’ll have a wonderful lawyer right in your face making sure you sit as well.
I know I’m going to be successful because I also got a $1.9 MILLION dollar government grant in order to nurse two dolphins back to health after some spilled oil gave them a rash. Just before I released them into the wild, they both spat on me out of gratitude and then swam away. A shark ate them and little fish feasted on their blood – but it was still worth it which is why the government continues to give me your money.