How About A Nice Hot Cup Of Shut The —- Up
Just like Tom Cruise felt the need for speed…I’m in the mood to be rude. I have to get it all out today because the wife’s family is due to arrive tomorrow, and I’ve already been warned that I must be on my best behavior.
Now having the relatives around wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t devoted disciples of the Obamessiah, who get all the news that’s fit to print from the New York Times. One of my wife’s sisters is even a fan of Keith Olbermann, that douchebag from MSNBC who has a following as big as a runway models ass. I think I’m going to be able to make it through Thanksgiving Day, but after that I ain’t making any promises.
The breaking point will come when the looney sister starts talking about healthcare, and the current economic situation, and blaming George Bush for every conceivable problem known to mankind.
It doesn’t matter that she hasn’t held a job for at least a dozen years, milking the insurance company for disability for a bad back, which she calls “income.” She once opined that she “brought in” more money in disability than her husband earned. If the wife hadn’t suddenly risen and dragged me out of the room I would have started a beatdown.
(And I had some new Timberland’s on which I needed to break in, which would have been perfect.)
My wife spent a couple of days suggesting I go hither and yon, which was basically telling me to stay away from the house as much as possible.So when I wasn’t out spreading the holiday cheer, I was locked down in my office watching sports wearing headphones so I couldn’t hear anything being said.
When the tribe finally left my wife went straight to bed and stayed there about a day and a half. When she finally emerged from her sanctum the first thing she said was: “They’re all crazy! There just isn’t any other way to put it.”
Being an especially astute husband, I just nodded, and headed out to deliver a toolkit to a friend.
This year I’ve decided to cut back on the cocktail hour. It isn’t that I can’t afford it, because I can. I’m cutting back because I don’t want the DDO’s (dithering disciples of Obama) to get their tongues all loosened up, whereupon I’ll have to listen to them espouse their stupidity all day.
Now I was thinking that maybe I could issue a warning that none of them would hear because they are talking all the time, which said: “Anyone who utters any remarks about hope and change, stimulus, cash for clunkers, healthcare, cap and trade…and so on and such forth, is subject to a special Thanksgiving Day Stimulus, which will come from the Double Trouble Stun Gun, which delivers a mere 1.2 million volts.”
The wonderful thing about Double Trouble, in addition to the voltage, is that the contacts are five inches apart. The farther apart the contact points on a stun gun are apart, the greater the impact. This makes it ideal for use on just about any mook, and I’m sure it would make quite an impact on my sister in law’s billowing ass too.
http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/doubletroublestungun.htm
As you can surely tell, I just can’t wait to serve her a steaming cup of “Shut the —- Up!” on Friday morning.
Okay. Now I’ll hit the gym…maybe pound the heavy bag for a half hour or so.
(Or maybe I’ll just wait until she gets here.)
Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.
Aloha kaua,
Nui (Big) Kahuna
