Get The Perfect Valentines Day Present
This morning the old lady dropped a none too subtle hint about a special day that is fast approaching. I may be half Cro-Magnon, but I do know the months and days of all important events, including this one, which requires flowers, chocolate, (and in her case…really expensive chocolate from a boutique in New York), and for me to be a tad more…I’m searching for the word here…expressive, if you get my drift.
(Like the 20 plus years I’ve been true blue aren’t enough.)
Over the years I’ve spent what could have bought me a nice boat, or a Massage for Life ticket at Ting Ting, the absolute best massage joint on earth. (And no…I ain’t telling you where it is…not because I don’t like you…but because I never want to have to wait in line when I get there.)
Now the chocolate joint is Neuman’s, which is in Manhattan, and you can order on the internet, much the same as here. (And no, it isn’t the Neuman from Seinfeld, although if you eat the chocolate on a regular basis you could get that size right quick.)
But nothing says “I lu….I lu…I lu…” like a stun gun.
Your old lady may not get it at first, but women are slow on the uptick when it comes to such a thoughtful gift that shows how much you really care. It took Mizzuz K about five years to fess up about how touched she was when I gave her a Hot Shot. (Stun gun)
http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/hotshotstungun.htm
I remember it clearly, just like it was yesterday, which I’m a little foggy on. She was absolutely awestruck, dumbfounded, speechless, and probably all three at the same time. She probably thought she was getting jewelry of some sort, which she already has a dresser full of, and the look on her face was … priceless… when she saw that I had given her close to a miilion volts of mook stopping voltage. She was so moved that she had to run to the bedroom and lock the door lest her gratitude absolutely overcome her.
I poured a glass of champagne, had a sip, and then opened the malt beverage cabinet to get a real mans drink. I had a few of those, and the next thing you know it was morning. I looked out the window and the Mizzuz car was gone, and there was no breakfast on the counter.
I guess she wanted the Knuckle Blaster. http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/knuckleblasterstungun.htm
Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.
Aloha kaua,
Nui (Big) Kahuna
Who is the this mofass Dr. Enell Pee PhD CPT? No doubt some
liberal college professor who wears PINK panties.(With a pocket protector.)
Such a tepid attempt to arouse my emotions! I’ll have you know that they aren’t my panties, but my wife’s – who left me because she couldn’t handle the truth about how to properly control the average person for a fair, utopian state. You sir are jealous because you couldn’t handle the tweed jacket with the leather elbow patches I don every day for my daily battle in the real world of the college campus.
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