I haven’t posted anything for a while, and there are a numbers of reasons, which I’m going to share with you here. As many of you know I was scheduled for surgery on my neck, and then that surgery was postponed because of other problems doctors found in the pre-op procedure.

This required me to get two clearances from two different specialists in order to have the surgery. I have the first clearance, and hopefully will get the second one next week so I can proceed back to the original problem.

Meanwhile the pain in my right side prevents me from doing many normal everyday things, like using a bar of soap, for example, or holding a newspaper, or even lifting a coffee cup to my mouth. It also prevents me, at times, from typing for more than 20 or 30 minutes.

So hence my absence from the written word. But I ain’t going away.

At the same time this has been going on I have been making a new marketing plan for the future, which involves a number of technical things that you never see on the website, but will make the site a much better business tool than it is at present.

I have a “techie” working full time behind the scenes and a marketing guy getting ready to take Big Kahuna into new areas to insure that this business will survive with any government bailouts.

Hopefully within a few weeks all will be shipshape, and Big Kahuna will cross the Bridge to the 21st Century.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

As of this writing I’ve read about a dozen versions of the President’s trip with Joe Biden to Ray’s Hell Burger, a gourmet burger joint in Arlington, just a hop, skip, and jump from Kahunaville here in northern Virginia. Conservatives have called the President’s request for Dijon mustard a sign of elitism, and liberals have called this insane, which is par for the course for them.

Which means I have to weigh in, being a connoisseur of all things burger.

Now I have never been to Ray’s Hell Burger, which is a spinoff of a local steakhouse with an outstanding reputation, but since people reportedly stand in line I am assuming that the burgers are pretty good.

When I’m in the mood for a burger, and I don’t cook it myself, I usually go to Fuddrucker’s, and order the 1/2 pounder medium rare. Then I add my condiments of choice, pickles, onions, and mustard, of the spicy variety. The spicy variety is Gulden’s, not Dijon, but I have to say that I might be enticed to use Dijon were not the Gulden’s available. Like the President, I like my burgers with a little zing.

Now I would never go so far as to use arugala on a burger, or even knowingly put in on my plate in salad form, although I’m sure it has passed my lips at some point in time, probably with some bleu cheese dressing on it. That’s where I draw the line, burgers with spicy mustard…yes, arugala…no.

Now that the President and I have agreed on something it’s time to move on to things that are actually important.

Over the weekend I attended a large backyard swaa ray about a block from the hacienda, where a number of people had questions about security, and others had opinions about what I said. I must admit I was somewhat astounded by the naivete of quite a number of those present, and particularly by the women, most of them professional, and who should know better.

A lot of these women apparently think that a 750K house in a nice neighborhood is all the protection you need. (And a husband with a title.) The fact that most of these guys couldn’t swing a golf club much less take on a mook didn’t process in their botox straightened foreheads.

Maybe they should meet some of the people living in 1-2 million dollar neighborhoods in Arizona, where home invasion is running rampant.

I heard all the usual bee ess…like…”that’s what the police are for.”

“Do you have an alarm system, or security cameras?” said I.

“No.”

“So how are the police going to know you have a problem?”

“I’ll just call them.”

“And what if you have a knife at your throat, or a gun pointed at your head?”

“Well…the chances of that happening are really small.”

Funny, it happened six months ago less than two miles from this location. Husband and wife shot in their beds while sleeping. In fact, I can name at least a half a dozen instances of home invasion off the top of my head, but it can’t happen here.

I wonder how many people who have been mugged, assaulted, burglarized, carjacked, sexually assaulted, and even murdered said…”it can’t happen to me.”

As unemployment hits 10%, and it will go higher, heed my daily words, “Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.” It’s going to be a long hot summer, and for those of you who have things of value, remember that mooks work where people have something worth stealing.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com

There has never been a better time for adding to…or starting a toolbox.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

I’ve been running around all morning doing pre-surgery what-evers in order to satisfy the hospital bureaucrats, who love nothing more than stacks of cover your ass paperwork. I’m lucky that I have excellent insurance, and don’t require pre-authorizations and other such nonsense that would make all this really tedious.

I’m going under the knife Thursday afternoon at 2:30 EST, and the doctor is going to fix the little problem that I’m having, which is that two disks in my neck are pressing on my spinal cord and ulnar nerve. I’ve been walking like Walter Brennan for a month or so now, and I just realized how dated that reference is. But some of you will know what I’m talking about. (Right Willis?)

I’ve been told that I should feel 50% better walking out of the hospital, and up to 90% better within a week. That’s heartening, but they told me after my second heart surgery that I was A-OK, which turned out to be a big crocoshizz, since I had a quadruple bypass 8 weeks later. But that’s what keeps life exciting, right?

So after this little thing is completed I’ll need only one more procedure to repair my shoulder, and then I should be able to give both the hospital and my insurance carrier a well needed respite. And with some rehabilitation I should be ready for the professional wrestling circuit by fall. RoboKahuna will kick some big ass, and pack stadiums and arenas from coast to coast.

Little do those big galootz know what they’re in for. After I bang them around a bit with my patented Hawaiian hip shake, and give them the Kahuna Krusher, followed by the Nui Nockout, then…and only then I am really going to get down to bizness.

I’ll reach in to my specially designed trunks and pull out…(don’t even go there), my Stun Master Telescopic Stun Baton. It’s an unbelievable 21.5 inches long fully extended, and a respectable 13 inches long when collapsed. And it expands with just the slightest touch, or tug. Mooks who make an attempt to grab it when fully extended are in for a big surprise. They get zip zap zup zap zipped with 800,000 volts of mook mashing power. Not to mention that you can just plug it in next to your computer or cellphone.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/telescopicstunbaton.htm

And no, if a mook grabs you while you’re giving him the buzz of a lifetime, it won’t transfer to you.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna