Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania is the living embodiment of everything that is wrong in Washington. The little rat bastard intends to “officially” become a Democrat sometime next week, although he has been a RHINO for quite a long time.

I may have written about this before, or I may not, I can’t remember at the moment. I had a personal experience with Senator Specter a couple of years ago on Capitol Hill which left an lasting impression on me, and it wasn’t good.

It was in early summer, and Congress was not in session. A friend of mine was in town, and we were visiting the Senate Office Building. He was taking pictures of various members of Congress for some project he had going, and we were treated very graciously by every staff and Senator except for one.

Specter was rude, arrogant, and actually shouted at us. I actually left the office because the vibration was so bad. When I was on the job I used to get what I called “the feeling” every now and then. “The feeling” was the presence of black energy, or what you might refer to as “evil”. The black energy in Specter’s office was as intense a thing as I have ever felt.

While he was voicing his opinion about us his eyes changed color and I knew immediately that this was a man who could not be trusted. He proved that today with his announcement.

He said,”I am unwilling to have my twenty nine year Senate record judged by the Pennsylvania Republican primary electorate.”

In other words, “F…the people!”

This is after he collected $5.8 million in campaign donations he isn’t giving back.

What happened here is this: Senator Specter voted how he wanted to, regardless of how his constituency felt, and he was in serious danger of losing the coming election. He barely squeaked by in his last election, where the Republican Party spent huge amounts of money on his behalf. (George Bush campaigned for him)

So the the arrogant little bastard now slaps his own party in the face and changes parties, stealing the money of those who elected him. (Does anybody see why we have such problems in the country?)

Specter should be forced to give back the campaign money, just like bank and insurance company executives were forced to give back bonuses. (Specter was all for this.)

By the way, Specter has Obama’s full support.

The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania has a choice coming up.

Send Arlen Specter home.

He treated me the same way he treated his constituents. Badly.

He’s a mook in a suit.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/telescopic.htm

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

I had just finished eating some blackberries and apples with yogurt this morning, and then poured a little java when I caught a story that certainly warmed my heart. Out west there in Tacoma, Washington, lives an 84 year old stud named Ted Mazetier who ought to get a Presidential medal. (But he won’t, since the current Prez is busy counting his own popularity points.)

So I’m going to repeat his story, and I hope you do too.

Tough As Nails Ted hails from Firecrest, which I am assuming is a small town somewhere around Tacoma, and it seems wholly appropriate. Tough As Nails Ted stopped last Wednesday night to give assistance to two mooks with a disabled car when one of the mooks punched him in the face and demanded his keys.

Did Tough As Nails Ted go down…was he a surrender monkey?

Hell no!

Tough As Nails Ted kicked the mook who punched him in the love spuds, and the other mook in his jellybelly. The two mooks fled the scene as passers-by stopped to help.

Ted suffered a black eye, and says he’ll scope out a situation more thoroughly before stopping in the future.

This sort a reminds me of an operation I was involved in a span of years ago. The owner of the place where the sting went down was 75, and he wasn’t even supposed to be involved in the takedown. But Murphy was around that day, and things didn’t go exactly as planned. The mook we really wanted was on the verge of getting away when he ran into a two by four wielded by our 75 year old owner. He dropped like a 50 pound sack of dog food off your shoulder. The old guy looked at us and said, “Anything else I can do for you boys today?”

After we packed up the mooks we took him to a bar to celebrate and he ate and drank us all under the table.

What we need today is tough old buzzards like this teaching kids how to defend themselves, and not playing tag where nobody gets get touched, or skipping rope without a rope.

The weather took a sharp turn here last week, the temperature rocketing into the 90s from the cold rainy fifties. Everybody and their mother was in the park and on the trails. Everything is green again and there is now plenty of cover for the mooks that like to hang in the park.

Make sure if you are going to be in the park or on the trails that you are carrying a little something to brighten a mooks day. The mini stun guns like The Runt or Hot Shot Stun Gun are perfect for this scenario.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/runtstungun.htm

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/hotshotstungun.htm

They’ll bake a mooks love spuds as fast as a microwave.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

I was laying in my Lazy Boy recliner riding out another back spasm earlier this morning, and after about an hour it finally subsided. While I was lying there I was thinking about the inconsistencies we all carry around.

For instance I hate most metal bands, but I do have an unlikely affinity for Guns and Roses, and of course the mother of all the pretenders, Led Zeppelin. All the other bands of this type you could put on a cruise ship and sink for all I care. But if I’m driving and one of the Guns and Roses or Led Zepellin songs comes on the radio, I’m likely to crank it up to full volume and sing along just as if I’m Axy Rose or Robert Plant.

One of my favorite songs is “Welcome To The Jungle” and I think it captured Los Angeles perfectly, just as James Frey’s book, “Bright Shiny Morning.” You might remember Frey, who exploded onto the scene on Oprah, then she dissed him, forcing him into writer’s exile, and his second effort proved that he could write beyond a shadow of a doubt. The song and the book were written about 15 years apart, but they both shed a luminous light on the city of angels.

PJ moved to the city of angels a couple of years back, and like a character in a Guns and Roses song or a Robert Crais story, she was looking for the Big Success, or the billboard with her name on it. Instead she found herself working a couple of jobs and trying to audition when she could.

She has suffered the typical indignities of La La Land. She had her first car stolen. Her apartment has been burglarized twice. She bought a bicycle, and she had it for 15 days before it disappeared. Boyfriends turned out to be as flaky as the cereal aisle at the grocery store.

About a year ago she was assaulted by a mook on a running trail. She fought like hell and got away with just some bruises.

She decided that she had had enough. She placed an order with the Big Kahuna for about a dozen items, one of which was the Mace Pepper Gun. She got the sky blue model.

When her package arrived in La La land she opened it up and looked at everything, then picked up the Mace Pepper Gun. She took it out of the package, loaded up a water cartridge, and went outside to practice.

She used up a whole water cartridge, then went inside and loaded it up with OC, and put it in her purse. She placed and installed all the other items.

Whenever she went out she had at least two mook mashers with her at all times.

A week or so ago she came home and found someone in her apartment. Without any hesitation at all she went for her Mace Pepper Gun. She fired twice, hitting the mook both times, and then delivered a third strike just to insure a strikeout. The mook went down in the hallway and tried to crawl away but she gave him a kick in the Joey Bag of Donuts. Then she called police, who hauled the mook out. One of the cops, (female), looked at the Mace Pepper Gun and said, “Nice, where did you get that?”

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/mace-pepper-gun.htm

I hope you know the answer to that question.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

I got up late this morning, and had to get right on the phone with a couple of clients, and the next thing you know, the morning is gone. I haven’t had anything but two cups of coffee and my stomach is mad as can be, so I’ll make this fast.

Everybody who travels should know the airport drill by now.

Don’t pack guns, fireworks, hunting knives and the like in your carry on baggage. (I follow the old Hunter Thompson rule which is: Never take anything across the border you can find and buy within five minutes on the other side.” He of course was talking about drugs, but I’m talking about personal protection.

TSA, (Transportation Safety Authority), last year confiscated 51,000 items at Florida airports. That’s a incredibly high number, and I have to guess that since it’s a semi-government run business that half of that stuff is baby bottles that were bigger than four ounces.

But even in factoring in government bee ess, that’s still a lot of junk being taken away.

One woman tried to sneek a boa constrictor in…in her bra. (A real “Snakes On A Plane” scenario could have ensued there.)

In Palm Beach TSA officials found several human heads packed in a cooler. It turns out the carrier had a research permit, and this was perfectly legal, though why they had to go through the airport is a mystery.

Baby sharks are found more often than you would think.

84 people have been arrested for carrying guns.

10, 831 knives were confiscated in Fort Lauderdale alone.

It is startling that this many people would do this, but I know why. Especially with the knives.

My advice is to have your security items checked through, which is what I do. I retrieve them immediately upon picking up my bags, and really don’t consider it a hassle. There are items you can get through security with, but I’m not going to tell you what they are. I don’t need a flock of government agents beating down my door because I gave you that advice. Figure it out on your own, so in case some mook with a box cutter shows up on your plane… you can take him out.

I can tell you this. I have been traveling extensively for 5 years and checking all my items through without any hassle whatsoever. There really isn’t any reason to get your stuff confiscated when nobody pays any attention to the checked baggage.

I carry The Runt, Wildfire, and the trusty Steel Baton wherever I go, and sometimes a little something else, depending on special circumstances that none of you would find yourself in.

Like the Super Dog Chaser, in case the target mook has dogs with an anger management problem.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/dogchaser.htm

Problem solved. Miller Time. (Or the malt beverage of your choice.)

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

Last night on the late news there was a story that purported to show that women have taken on jobs in this economy that they wouldn’t have considered when everything was going boom boom boom. This show dealt with women who had high paying jobs who were laid off, or down sized, and what they were doing to make ends meet.

Naturally…they all turned to stripping and the adult film industry.

(Because we all know they weren’t capable of anything else.)

There was a storyline about a banking executive in her late twenties who went from making $120K in the finance industry to $250K in the pole dancing racket. (Which now makes her rich, according to the Obamessiah.)

She now works fewer hours, makes double the money, with an opportunity to make even more doing…

So I’m saying to myself…what’s the point of this story? The woman makes a conscious decision to become a private dancer because she lost her banking job, and I’m supposed to feel bad for her? Gimme a break! But I think that was the point they were trying to make.

Now back in the day yours truly spent a bit of time in strip joints, (not the glass and fern Gentlemens Clubs we have today.) It was my job to hang where the mooks hung, so I had to spend time in the confessional every day for what I saw and did. (Riiiight!)

But this story is more like what I witnessed those many moons ago.

This week in Akron, Ohio, a 52 year old woman who took a job as an exotic dancer was attacked on her first day on the job by a jealous co-worker with a stiletto shoe.

The victim received received multiple cuts to the face that required seven sets of stitches at the local hospital.

Police say the victim needed extra money and got the job with the help of a friend. Friday was her first day, and as she walked into the basement dressing room, she was attacked by a co-worked armed with a shoe.

Police say, “The other pole dancers were upset she was there, and said they didn’t need any more dancers around.” (I guess the pole dancers didn’t hear Obama’s message of “Share the wealth.”)

One of those mentally challenged women then picked up a shoe and started beating the victim.

Now had our victim been carrying The Pretender Cell Phone Stun Gun…none of this would have happened. She could have calmly turned it on, gently applied it to the exotic mook, and stood back and watched the whirling tassel show. At least until the attacker collapsed, and stabbed herself by falling on her own shoe.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/pretender-cellphone-stun-gun.htm

The Pretender…a simple solution for life’s simple problems.

Oh…I forgot to tell you this. The attacker was 48.

If you’re in Akron, you just may have to seek this Grannies Gulch out.

But make sure you have something to shoo the buzzards away before you go.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

I woke this morning to the tap tap tap of rain and then felt the cold air. The beauty of a 70 degree weekend had vanished as quickly as bailout money in New York. I’ve lived in Northern Virginia for 21 years, and this is the coldest spring we have ever had. I hoping that it rains and pours like this on Earth Day, when all the eco freaks come to town and leave tons and tons of garbage on the Mall.

That’s right, every year the Earth Day brothers and sisters arrive by private jet, limousine, and clogs, with or without deoderant, and proceed to sing and shout…then they leave tons of garbage strewn all over the place, which is blithely ignored by the liberal press.

Yesterday morning I watched one of the talking heads shows that focused on U.S. torture of enemy terrorists, and while I understand their argument, they are just out of touch with reality.

Here’s the reality.

Since 9/11, not one, zero, none, not one American has lost his/her life to these whatever you want to call them sonsabitches, and that is a fact.

But now, in true liberal fashion, we are the bad guys.

The talking heads screamed that Bush and Cheney need to be tried for war crimes, and that Congress was not doing its job.

After 9/11 Congress, and this would include the House and Senate, authorized branches of government “to do what was necessary” to protect the country. All the intelligence committee’s were briefed, and this means that top ranking Democrats and Republicans knew exactly what was being done to keep the country safe. All the usual suspects on the left, including several Democratic Presidential candidates were briefed.

But now…the liberals want to wash their hands of what is distasteful. Their new leader is naive beyond belief, just witness the insults he got from the mighty mice of Latin and South America over the weekend. He actually wants us on equal footing with jerkweed like Daniel Ortega of Nicarauga, and Uncle Hugo from Venezuela.

In every war we have ever been in, our soldiers have been tortured. (Unless of course liberals can point to one where it never happened.) There isn’t much made of this by the liberals, and in fact they made an effort to downplay the case of John McCain’s torture at the hands of our North Vietnamese friends.

I have a solution to the problem, and liberals will be aghast.

No more prisoners.

From now on we do battlefield interrogations, and then send the terrorists to where they want to go. Then we cover them with about 200 tons of sand.

No jail, no meals, no healthcare, no expense period. (Gas for the earthmovers.)

Several of my liberal friends were fond of an episode of Star Trek where Cap’n Kirk solved the “can’t win” battle. He did it by changing the rules without permission. They see the way he won, but they don’t get it.

The rules of the game have changed. The terrorists don’t give a damn about the Geneva Convention. In fact the only people who care about it are liberals, when they can invoke it to ensare someone in their political web.

And if they’re going to outlaw waterboarding, let me suggest a scoshe of Wildfire applied to the TT. (terrorist testicles)

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/wildfire.htm

With a 1 pound pistol grip I’m betting you could dress down a hundred of these maggots, and at least ten percent would start talking. Then off to the practice range, and fire up the bulldozer.

Peace out my brothers. (And by the way, all those virgins have an STD, and there ain’t no antibiotics where you’re going, which is way back to the future.)

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

I’m going to the doctor in a little while to get some surgery scheduled on my neck and shoulder, which have been bothering me for quite a while. Initially I thought the problem was just my shoulder, and so I was treated for that in a number of ways.

But after a day or so the pain would come back. So then doctors thought it was my lower back, and I got treated for that. But the pain just kept getting worse.

Finally I went to the doctor, and told them to check my neck and shoulder again. So I had an MRI done on both my neck and shoulder, and the results weren’t pretty. Two discs in my neck have arthritic deterioration, and as a result one disc is pressing on my spinal cord, and the other on a nerve.

Oh…and my rotator cuff is torn.

This will require two surgeries, one for the neck, and the other for the shoulder. My friend The Greedmaster says with all these surgeries I’ll soon be RoboKahuna, which is the wittiest thing anybody has come up with.

I thought I was through with hospitals after logging record time there last year, but I guess I was wrong.

There are a lot of situations where a Stun Master Hotshot would come in handy, and this is a good example. Now some people might call this yellow journalism, but it’s just the truth.

Yesterday a young man from Saipan pleaded guilty in federal court in Honolulu to…assaulting a fellow passenger on a flight from Los Angeles to Honolulu in March.

Jerome Kenneth (What’s the frequency Danno?) Kingzio was sentenced to 21 days in prison for his assault on a 66 year old unnamed woman.

Court documents show that the victim was watching the in flight movie when the mook stood up and started urinating on her.

Now had the victim been carrying a Stun Master Hot Shot she certainly could have given this mook a jolt to remember by gently applying it to the weapon being used against her and pushing the on button. Chances are the mook would have ended up flat on his back imitating a fountain instead of playing a statue you may have seen around.

You’ll be glad to know that this case was investigated by the FBI, and prosecuted by the Assistant United States attorney. This is certainly a waste of taxpayer money. For less than $70 this problem could have been resolved to everyone’s satisfaction. Except maybe the mooks, but they always complain.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/hotshotstungun.htm

I wonder if the airline would be upset if people started showing up wearing T shirts that said, “Don’t Pizz On Me Bro!”

I betting they wouldn’t let you on the plane.

Just a thought.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

Yesterday afternoon a fan out in the hinterlands (Wisconsin) sent me a little news item that was laugh out loud funny. I spent a little time out in the Midwest many moons ago, and I have to admit that they get the job done, although the methodology could be improved.

This incident happened in Grand Chute, Wisconsin, although maybe the city fathers would consider renaming it to Grand Chewt. (You’ll see why.)

On February 26th, (a cold winter night), a thirty nine year old Grand Chute woman was awakened when someone entered her Eighth Street residence.

She found someone standing in her hallway and yelled out, “What are you doing?”

The man, identified as Scott D. Cross, age 23, and from neighboring Appleton, bolted from the residence with the woman in hot pursuit. She tackled Cross from behind, and when Cross put his hand near her face, she bit down on his finger.

She told police she bit down so hard it pushed one of her teeth outward.

Police then collected enough blood and skin in her mouth to process a DNA sample, which led to Cross, who was a repeat offender, with outstanding charges for burglary and bail jumping.

When Scott was interviewed by the local fuzz, he said he was drunk and looking for food.

Hell…I’m looking to hire this broad as a bodyguard because neither one of my dogs would ever take a piece off a burglar, or anyone else for that matter. Ya haf ta wonder about a woman who would think of biting off a DNA sample though. (At least I think you do.)

I sure would like to be the trial judge for this one, and get it on film. Maybe this is one to spice up that dull Court TV. (Maybe they can get OJ for some breathless whispered commentary.)

Oh…I forgot…he has a new gig.

I’m sending out a catalog to the woman in Grand Chute/Chewt with a note that a purchase of The Runt would have at least saved her teeth, and not exposed her to anything toxic when she decided to chow down.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/runtstungun.htm

The lesson for today is: Don’t bite down on a mook unless there is absolutely no other choice. A small kickass stun gun would have worked really well here.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

My coffee was only drained a touch when I saw that Somali mooks had hijacked more ships off the western coast of Africa. I had predicted that…and it actually happened faster than I thought it would. At this point I don’t know whose ships they have, but unless it’s an American vessel, I don’t really care.

If it’s an American vessel, I know exactly how to solve the problem, and without wasting any ammo, which as you know is getting scarce. Just bring in the Seal Team again, and blow these sonsabitches into bait.

As far as the other countries are concerned, eff em. The all have troops and ammo, helicopters, and missiles. What they don’t have is any testicular fortitude, so let them pay the voodoomeisters until they wake up and smell the coffee high up in the mountains of Kenya.

We should protect our own, and so should they. They don’t want to help out in Iraq and Afghanistan, so we don’t owe them any favors. And if people don’t like us shooting the little pissants, they should keep it to themselves.

I’m getting warmed up here just thinking about it.

One of the reasons is that many items I sell are made around the world, and they are transported on container ships just like the ones being hijacked. This plays hell with business, as you might imagine, and can cause considerable delays, which means we might not have a product because some Somali seamook is sitting on a ship in the Cape of Africa.

What I’d really like to do is give the Somali seamooks a little voltage, like from the Knuckle Blaster. Yessirree Bob, a million volts of kilowattage delivered right under the arm of these skinny ass Burger King employee wannabees would be just the ticket to start their day.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/knuckleblasterstungun.htm

But while under the arm is most effective, any old place will do. And remember you’re probably going to kill a couple hundred innocent flies, and have PETA all over your case, but it will be worth it.

Lord forgive me for saying that…

(The reality is that you won’t really kill the flies…because the voltage doesn’t transfer…but you are taking away their food source.)

But seriously…this is the 21st century, as our old white haired friend Billy Jaye is fond of saying. If pirates try to take your ship, you give them a little lesson in firepower. One well placed RPG would eliminate a dinghy and all its occupants in seconds, and sharks would take care of the rest.

I’m not sure about what an RPG round goes for these days, but it doesn’t cost six million dollars, which is what the big shot Saudi’s paid to get one of their tankers back.

ARM THE SHIPS!

That would make a good bumper sticker.

Get some tools on the ships, including guns that fire real bullets at pirates.

The Seals surely didn’t waste any ammo when they fired. And with a little training for crew members…they’ll do a decent job themselves.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

This whole pirate saga was driving me crazy until I got the good news that Navy Seal Team snipers put some well earned bullets into the penny ante pirates of Somalia and Western Africa.

This whole idea that a bunch of ninnies in a launch craft, armed with a couple of rifles and a grappling hook could steal a freighter, or any other large seagoing vessel, and then demand ransom, is patently absurd.

Here was the problem in a nutshell. Seaman on these vessels were not permitted to have guns themselves, or any way to defend themselves as they passed these waters, where kidnapping and piracy have gone on for years. (The United Nations was right on top of this, as usual.)

As a result, hundreds of acts of piracy have gone on, and mega millions in ransoms have been paid. And in the midst of all this mayhem the Government tried talking, talking, and talking. Then, finally, shots were fired, and the whole pirate world went topsy turvy.

3 mooks are dead, dead, dead, and a fourth is going somewhere, possibly jail in Africa, which is worse than death. So…the big question is: Do the mooks get it now? Are they going to try more kidnapping and piracy?

Possibly.

But now that the black shadow of Navy Seal Teams has been introduced, maybe the pirates are going to find a new line of work. (Which is what I would advise.) Their chances of winning a firefight with the Seals is very, very slim indeed. On the Big Vegas Board they would come off as 500-1, if the odds they got were good.

But once again, the Americans were the only country to act. The mighty Europeans paid ransom, as well as the many other countries around the world. This lesson ought not be forgotten in Washington, who breathlessly reported on the Obama’s new dog. Good thing the American press has its priorities straight, as usual.

The only way this situation with the pirates could have gotten any better was if the pirates had been captured alive, tried on ship, and been forced to walk the plank after a touch of bloody chum had been dumped overboard.

That would have been real pirate justice. Aaargh!

An email over the weekend pnce again proved my theory that mooks don’t like electricity, especially if you have it in your hand. Steve was having a smoke in his backyard when he saw a couple of mooks creeping his neighbors house. He walked into his garage, picked up his Stun Master 775, and walked into their backyard.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/stunmaster775.htm

He called out to the mooks, and turned on the 775. The cackle froze the mooks in their place, and then he told them to get the hell out of the neighborhood. They didn’t waste any time moving, with one of them hurdling the fence like a grack and field star.

Like I’ve said many times before, sometimes all it takes is a display of power, not any actual use. Mooks don’t plan on anyone interrupting the scenario, as they see it. Sound can throw their game way off track, and that can be a personal alarm, an electronic whistle, or the cackle of a stun gun.

But you have to have one or the other in order to play the game.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna