I got up this morning and didn’t turn on the television, or read the newspapers. Wow, only 38 days to go. (I don’t know if I can make it, and a diet would be easier.) I mean, I could go 40 days without BBQ, or even steak, but this…this is a tough one, especially with the all the talking and proposing the Dumbass Party is doing.

Basically, they are going to end the economic downturn, and usher in government health care, by taxing 2% of the population, which is anyone who makes more than $250 grand a year. They are going to take away tax deductions such as charitable giving, and interest on mortgages.

This is going to have the Mel Brooks effect from “History of the World Part I” where he is asked about the poor, and he says…”The Poor? F… the poor!”

Charities, which do good work day in and day out on the contributions of those with money, (meaning mostly those who make over 250K), will grind to a screeching halt under this idiotic proposal. But this has been part of the Obamessiah plan from the start. We were always taught that charity begins at home, but under this proposal charity will become the work of government. (And it will come with all kinds of strings attached, which is not the case now.)

And government healthcare? That promised to be a disaster in the Clinton administration, and it promises to be an even bigger disaster now. Just wait until you have to sit in a government run waiting room, with people who can never be fired for being incompetent. (or anything else)

The Republicans had better start getting their asses in gear now, and start fighting, even if the next election is two years away. The issues are much clearer now that Obama and the Dumbass Party are laying them out.

Clinton had his bell rung in the off year election, and it’s time to start fighting Obama and his his team of idiots. This is The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight, stealing a line from the late great Jimmy Breslin, even though he was a Democrat. (But he wasn’t a member of the current Dumbass Party)

Can I do forty days? We’ll see. I’m going to give it the old college try.

The Great Big February Big Kahuna Sale is winding down. It ends at midnight (12 PM) tomorrow night. There have been lots of thank you’s from folks who bought a lot of tools at the discounted prices.

This is your last chance to get in. All the orders have a time and date stamp, so we know exactly when they come in. No tears will be accepted if you miss out. The time to act is now, while that 25% still applies.

It vanishes into the Nevernever in 32 hours.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

Ah…I’m nothing if not clever in the morning. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, a day for professional Catholics to get dusted, and the mark of fire was worn all over Washington by Catholics who would make fine Unitarians if the Unitarians would have them.

Jumpin Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, all the professional Catholics that the Pope would not have his picture taken with, made sure that everybody got a TV shot of their attempt at being pious, even though their brand of Catholicism wouldn’t rate a bottom shelf at the discount grocers.

I read an email a day or two ago from a friend of mine, Wally The Webguy, and he said that he liked the idea of giving up something for Lent, even though he isn’t Catholic. So I though about this a bit, and I’m giving up, (or I’m going to try very hard to try to give up), television news for 40 days.

No punditry for 40 days and nights. Now I’ve made this somewhat easy for myself because I exempted NCAA basketball. And although I don’t have the proof right in front of me…I have it on good authority that Jesus is a huge fan of March Madness himself. (Both women and men) And if he could just give me a little help with the brackets, (maybe let me look over his shoulder), I could win the $100 million dollar bracket challenge, and move to somewhere where the average yearly temperature is around 80 degrees.

This is what I’m praying for at the moment, among other things.

In San Jose, California, a Kahuna Kommando came to the aid of a young woman in distress last week. Jeremy, a thirtyish web designer, and martial arts student was riding his motorcycle through a tough area when he thought he heard a scream over his pipes.

He stopped, listened, and heard it again. He turned his bike and headed in the direction of the scream. Coming around a corner, he saw a beating in progress. He pulled up close, and grabbed his Wildfire Pistol Grip 9 ounce canister. He started screaming at the young men who were assaulting the young girl. There were five of them, and two pulled knives immediately, and one picked up a piece of pipe.

One held the girl down, and four of them came at Jeremy. He started hosing them down, and took out the first two before they could blink. Then he hit the kid with the pipe, and number four bolted, running down the street.

The mook holding the girl didn’t budge, so Jeremy walked over and hit him with enough spray to make a bear run. Then he used his boot to add a little persuasion with a gentle kick to the jaw. Mookboy got the message.

Jeremy got the girl on his bike, and took her to a 24 hour clinic, where she was treated, and then he took her home. The girls family is out looking for the mooks, so maybe they’ll get another little taste of street justice in the same day if we’re lucky.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/wildfire.htm

I’ve checked the calendar, and compared it to my phone, and it is indeed February 26th, meaning that there are just two days left in the Big Kahuna February S… That’s less than 48 hours, so if you’re going to order, get it done.

No amount of sniffles, sneezes, or sweet talk will count once midnight strikes on the 28th. The Big Kahuna Economic Stimulus Package is over, unless I get a big chunk of dough from the government. But we both know that isn’t happening.

Jesus could give me a little look at his brackets though. (I mean, why not?)

Just the second round, because that’s always the toughest.

I’ll keep praying.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

P.S. What if I look over Jesus’ s shoulder, copy his picks, and he makes a mistake? Whose fault would that be?

Sunday night I watched the Academy Awards for about 20 minutes. The first guy I saw was that insufferable ass, Bill Maher, who whined and complained like the sissy he is.

Maher had to remind everyone that he had a movie out in 2008, “the one about religion,” and he went straight downhill from there. The Schnozz must not have realized that his movie was a bomb, (nobody went to see it), and though people in Hollywood like him, they didn’t like him enough to go see his movie. It’s one thing to be on his show, and quite another to give him money, a distinction he isn’t familiar with.

Then a few minutes later Harvey came on. No, I’m not talking about Jimmy Stewart’s Harvey, but the Harvey for the new millenium, Harvey Milk, the gay city councilman from San Fransisco, embodied by the one and only Sean Penn, friend to Castro, Hugo Chavez, and every other leftist nutbag in existence.

Penn stepped up to the microphone, and said, “Hello, all you communist, homo loving …” Now actually…that was funny, certainly funnier than anything I heard in my limited viewing. Penn might not know what he’s talking about, but he isn’t shy.

But it was certainly strange that in his acceptance speech, he didn”t thank his wife, a member of the Academy, and an accomplished actor/actress in her own right. She was right up front, looked beautiful, and had to do some pretty fine acting not to let the egregious insult show.

This few minutes of Sean Penn tells you more about him than all his blather on politics combined. While a talented actor, he is at heart a selfish self-absorbed little twit, who can’t remember what is really important at the appropriate time.

I’m sure she told him privately what he could do with that gold statue.

(Think San Fransisco.)

The clock is ticking on the Big Kahuna February S… Orders are still coming in at a good pace, so don’t forget you have only three (3) tres days left until I put the magical price genie back in the vault for a long time.

I’ve fielded many phone calls the last few days thanking me for the price break so that folks could get a bargain. Yesterday Eve from Detroit called to tell me she used the S… as an opportunity to make sure her friends got some tools to protect themselves. She’s giving them away as gifts.

It all ends Saturday at midnight, so if you’re still thinking about it, it’s time to get off the fence, and in the game.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

Somedays I get so much funny stuff that I just sit around and laugh. That’s a pretty good job if you can get it, and I must have done something to deserve it, although I’m not sure what it is. I had something all set to write about this morning, and then this came in.

HERE IS HOW THE PORKULUS BILL WILL WORK

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another from Tennessee, and the third from Minnesota. All three go to the White to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run around $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do the job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2700.”

The White House official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a large figure?”

The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the White House official.

And that, my friends, is how the porkulus package works.

Thanks Pete.

My computer tells me today is the 24th, so there are 4 (fore) (four) (quattro) days remaining in the Big Kahuna February S… My advice is to get your order in now, because once the sale is over, it is over. Finished, finito, in the can, zipped up, da da done. Don’t be writing me any tearful emails saying you didn’t know.

I know people know…because yesterday I got an order from the North Pole, and a big one too. It’s hard to believe, but there’s a mook problem at the North Pole. I guess Santa’s elves get into quite a bit of mischief when the economy is in the dumper.

And hey, is it just me, or are you tired of the Obamessiah’s doom and gloom? Reagan inherited a terrible economy from that idiot peanut farmer, and he didn’t mope around blaming everyone and pointing the finger.

Hey Obamessiah, YOU WANTED THE JOB! Now be a man and stopping blaming Bush for everything. Let me put it in basketball terms, since you like the game.

If you were a coach, and every day you told your team how bad things are, do you think they would develop a winning attitude? Or do you they would be out of the game minutes after starting?

If you want to win you have to have a winning attitude. What happened yesterday, or last week or last month or last year doesn’t count.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

P.S. 25% off! 4 more days!

Just finished reading the papers this morning, and lo and behold, the Dumbass Party is getting ready to spend more of your money. First they are going to help you pay your neighbors mortgage, then they are going to fix social security, health care, and everything else in another Disneyesque flourish.

Pelosi is already talking about another $425 billion, separate from the Obamessiah’s $275 billion, (let’s see…thats $700 billion more by my count), and there are other plans afoot to spend billions more.

So now is the time to sit your kids down and explain to them that Uncle Barack and Aunt Nancy have spent all their money, and of course, exempting themselves from all the provisions that would do them the same personal harm.

So far, there is no help from Republicans, including the scrambled John McCain, who is talking about nationalizing the banks, along with his pal Whimsey Graham, who was once a Republican Senator from South Carolina. Now Senate Republicans must be drinking the same Kool Aid served to members of the Dumbass Party in the congressional cafeteria.

You may have caught the story last week about the Muslim TV executive who beheaded his wife. Or you may not, as the free press continues its distortion of what really happens. Some liberal commentators have admitted that their organizations are afraid of reprisals by Islamic organizations around the country, and that the story has been purposely given little room.

Now here is what I think of “honor” killings, which is what this was. The wife, who had been beaten and abused by this loon, had filed for divorce. He responded by cutting off her head. That’s typical Muslim justice, and why haven’t we heard any outcry from the Muslim community?

Why? I’ll tell you why. This is what they belive is fitting and correct. Or if they don’t, they are afraid of their crazy uncle, brother, cousin, or friend, who just can’t can’t wait to see some blood flow or a body on fire. This is precisely why this story should be on page 1, and leading the news. The more these stories are mishandled by the cowardly press, the more chance that a liberal progressive judge will set this murdering son of a bitch free, or give him a reduced sentence.

We should just get him a seat on the electric bleachers with his Guantanamo buddies, who weren’t ever offered a chance at new job skills while they were imprisoned, according to the Washington Post. Nobody offered rehabilitation to these demented freaks…like they would have accepted.

My blood pressure is starting to mount, just as it always does when the subject of these loons comes up. I think we should release them all, and send them to Hollywood to live. Most of the Hollywood people have room enough for these poor innocent men, and probably even have a car or two to lend them. They can feed them, clothe them, buy their smokes, and wash their feet. (Don’t miss any toe jam!)

There are now 5…count them, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 days left in the Big Kahuna February S… which ends at midnight on the 28th of February.

25% off on everything in the house until then. 30% if you order from

http: www.favoriteformulas.com and send me your order number.

Some prices will go up starting March 1st, and others are sure to follow. This is what happens when money gets tight, and it’s being reflected all over the world. So far, most of the price increases have been reasonable, and I hope they stay that way, but there aren’t any guarantees.

But if you act now, there is a guarantee…you’ll get the best price on tools that you’re going to see for a long time.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

My thanks to Blackby Nimble in Houston for this mini course in economic profundity.

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, “I don’t understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?”

The professor replied, “I don’t have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I’ll be glad to explain it to you.”

The student agreed.

At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor’s house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.

They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, “First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can.”

The student did as he was instructed.

The professor then continued, “Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it.” The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.

The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.

The confused student asked, “Excuse me, but why are we doing this?”

The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.

The student didn’t think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.

However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, “All we’re doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you’ll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!”

The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile,
“Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill!”

Eight days and counting on the Big Kahuna February S…!

Stock up at 25% off the regular price.

Just like I predicted, price increases are coming, and they got here sooner than I thought they would. Prices on all pepper spray items are going up on March 1st. So this is a great time to buy at the old price, plus with a 25% discount until midnight 28 Feb 2009.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

One of youse sent me an email this morning that I read over my Huevos Rancheros. I got up in a mood for something spicy this morning, and I had all the ingredients in the frig, which was good, because I didn’t feel like going out, and I had tons of things to do.

I whipped together everything I needed quickly, and then fried up a double batch of eggs, and tossed it all together with some hot sauce. Instant heaven, although I seem to have picked up a little tailwind.

The article I was referred to was about gun sales in Florida, one of the only businesses there that seems to be doing well at the moment.

Up 42% in November.

Up 24% in December.

Up 28% in January.

And looking very, very strong for February.

Not only are gun sales up, the demand for ammunition is extremely high. It’s so high there are temporary shortages, although almost all orders are being filled.

The demand has forced the price of ammo up, but it has not slowed sales one iota. Many buyers are stocking up with huge buys, thousands of rounds at a time.

What’s driving the demand?

Politics.

The Dumbass Party now controls the Presidency, the Senate, and the House, and the far left idiots will not miss this opportunity to try and take guns away from the citizenry. I warned of this before, and they will make an attempt at gun control inside of two years, just as they will make an attempt to destroy talk radio with the so called Fairness Doctrine.

What does this mean to you?

The Dumbass Party doesn’t want anyone to be able to defend themselves, although they do go in for special permits, and often have bodyguards to protect themselves. Which is typical, they always know what is best for everyone else, but they always exempt themselves from any of the rules everyone else has to follow.

When they mount these attempts it will be time to show Washington how you really feel. All the petty Republican feuds need to disappear, and these issues need to be fought on every street corner in the land.

Billions, now trillions, of your money has been wasted on things like a wetlands habitat for fieldmice. (A Pelosi special) That will create a shizzload of jobs, I’m sure. But guns is an issue that could send the Dumbass Party packing. And so is Talk Radio.

I don’t sell guns, but it doesn’t take a genius to extend the logic. Seven states, with some of the most dangerous streets in America, outlaw stun guns and pepper spray. This happened even though there was NO EVIDENCE that anyone had been hurt, or killed, by either.

There are nine days left in the Big Kahuna February S… A lot of folks are stocking up, and buying big. And why not, when you get a whopping 25% off on your order. And not only that, if you order several times, you still get the same discount.

If you want to make some quick money, buy a load of things, and sell them to your friends at the regular price. Or coworkers. Showing and selling some tools is lot easier than delivering pizza.

And you’ll be providing a good service at the same time.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

Last night about 11 PM I suddenly got very hungry, and so I grabbed my coat and keys and headed for the nearest 7-11. I picked out a couple of unhealthy snacks, bought a lottery ticket and jumped back in the car. It was a frosty, about 28 degrees, and I turned on the heat. I started for home, and suddenly I saw a little guy in the middle of the road waving for help.

I stopped, listened to his story, and told him to hop in.

His name was Pham, he’s Vietnamese, and he is a year younger than me. But he looks 35. He was maybe a shade over 5 feet tall and weighed 120 pounds with rocks in his pockets.

He had locked his keys in his car, and had been walking for over 6 miles when I picked him up. It was another couple of miles to his house. When he got in the car he was shaking from the cold.

I drove him to his house to get another set of keys, and then back to where he had left his car. While I was driving, he said some remarkable things. He had been in the Vietnamese Army, fighting along side American troops. He said he dreamed every day of coming to America. When the Americans pulled out of Vietnam, the North Vietnamese put him in jail for the next 17 years for helping the Americans.

The whole time he was in jail he dreamed of America, and one day his brother came to the jail and told him they were leaving. To get him out of jail, the whole family had to leave the country.

He walked from jail home, and then the family walked to a boat that took them to Norway, where they stayed for a year. Then they were sponsored to the U.S. by an American Army Officer who knew him.

Pham is now a mechanic in a garage where he fixes American cars. His family, all 15, purchased a large home in Virginia two years ago. They all are working, and half of them work and go to college. “My family is rich,” he told me, “not billionaire rich, but compared to Vietnam, this is heaven.”

“In Vietnam now, only the communists are rich. All the poor people are still poor.”

About 2 miles from his car he said, “I knew you were going to stop and help me. I could feel it, and as soon as you rolled down the window I could feel good energy. I could feel that, and I could feel you had no fear. I know you had no fear because someone else always rides with you.”

And then he just smiled.

I dropped him off, and he gave me his card, and offered to fix my car for free anytime. Then I drove home.

I’ve been in some pretty sticky situations in my life, and I’ve always pulled through somehow. It isn’t the first time someone has told me about the other person riding shotgun, but it’s the first time its ever happened with a complete stranger.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

The S… is still going on. Ten more days at a ridiculous 25% off the merchandise. Get it while the going is good.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

Yesterday several doctor friends of mine sent me emails about information I had over a week ago, and they were plenty steamed up about it. It seems they are just getting the 411 on a story I had sent to me by an alert reader, and that was written about by Wes Pruden in the Washington Times last week.

The story is about some well hidden parts of the stimulus bill that the liberals in Washington didn’t want the public to know about. The chief culprit was none other than former Senator Tommy Boy Daschle, who was sent back to his $2 million dollar a year gig as a lobbyist after it was found out he didn’t pay his taxes. Tommy Boy had a very large hand in drafting the legislation that will ensure that you get “government approved” healthcare, administered not by doctors, but by Washington bureaucrats. And of course these sonsabitches exempted themselves from this law.

Stupid Republicans missed a real wedge issue here. The American people do not want a government run health care system, but I guess the Republicans didn’t read the bill. And they especially didn’t read Daschle’s handiwork, along with the Democrats. (Nobody read this bill. Not the President, his aides, or anybody in Congress. They whole rotting, stinking lot of them are spending $787 billion dollars on they know not what.)

Tommy Boy doesn’t want your doctor to make decisions about your care unless they are approved by a faceless and soulless bureaucrat who knows better than on the job physicians what to do. This should put a stop to all the people around the world coming for the best medical care in the world.

Send them to Paris, London, or Montreal, and let them wait in line. Except if you’re a member of Congress. They get sent immediately to the best hospital in Washington, where none of Tommy Boy’s rules apply.

One of the doctors wanted to know how well Tommy Boy could dance after getting a medicinal jolt to his kangaroo pouch with the Hot Shot Stun Gun. I don’t think there’s much hope there. I would like his chances better after a few months in the joint for tax evasion.

I think what I would prefer is that he get a slight misting of Wildfire Pepper Spray after a shower. Then we could film him trying to scratch that itch. Maybe call it the Tax Evasion Two Step.

We can dream, can’t we?

The Big Kahuna February S… continues. 25% off all items in the house till midnight 28 Feb 2009. We sent some mighty large orders out yesterday for those who jumped in early. This is the way to add all the tools you need to your arsenal.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/hotshotstungun.htm

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/wildfire.htm

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

If you didn’t get my over the weekend email, I’ll ketch you up right now. There was some trouble with the shopping cart when it came to accepting credit cards, and luckily I got a call from from one of youse so I could try and do something about it.

I think it’s working properly now. But to redeem myself, (if only it were that easy), I’m continuing the S…through the end of the month. So you get 25% off anything in the hizzy till midnight on February 28th.

And for the Super Deal, if you order my friend Dr. Bill’s Powerhouse Omega Formula, you get 30% off.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/favoriteformulas.htm

Because of the malfunction I decided to run the S…till the end of the month, and many folks have been extremely grateful. I’m glad to help out with your budget, and this is the way you get the economy rumbling, not by protecting Fred the Fieldmouse, who only got $30 million from Speaker Pelosi. (She says she didn’t know anything about it.)

Let me tell you something. If you don’t know about a $30 million dollar earmark in your own district, you must be a piss poor Congressman. John Warner, the former Republican Senator from Virginia, once claimed he didn’t know about a $6 billion dollar CIA project in Northern Virginia. But he had an excuse…he was drunk.

From $30 million to $6 billion, it doesn’t make any difference to these clowns. But for those of you saving $30, $60, even a $100 or more, it makes a difference.

So get those orders in this month. You have 12 days left, so make them count.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna