We can be sure of few things in life; death, taxes, and Fat Al speaking to the Senate in the middle of a snow storm…about global warming. The last time he addressed Congress was in the middle of another snow storm, and again he was talking about…global warming.

I’m told that we should no longer call it global warming…now the proper term is…climate change. But whatever you want to call it, global warming/climate change/Fat Al’s Folly/The Idiot’s Guide to Rain, Wind, and Fire, it is…listen to me me here…a gigantic scam. It’s the mortgage crisis, the Wall Street charade, the stimulus package, Bernie Madoff, and the Trojan Horse to the umpteenth power, and it’s going to cost you bababillions before it’s exposed, as not just bad science, but as the most perverted theory of science ever purported.

The acceptance of the science by American media, that there isn’t any other view in light of the evidence presented, basically one schlockumentary by Fat Al and the Deceivers, is a modern day horror story.

But take hope, the Europeans are starting to hold their noses. The British aren’t buying it, and their scientists are becoming quite vocal about. Vaclav Havel, the Czech intellectual loved by liberals, says it’s all Huey, Dooey, and Louie. Every day more and more European scientists are coming out of the research closet and saying that global warming is bunk.

Hence the name change, and more and more deception on the part of Fat Al and the Deceivers. And it’s worth reminding you about the Obamessiah’s part in all this. You might recall him saying that we can’t all run our thermostats at 72 degrees back on the campaign trail. Yet inside sources say he keeps his office, (the Oval Office), at 76-78 degrees, or higher.

One of his aides anonymously refers to the Oval Office as “the swamp.” His press secretary tried to spin things by saying “the President was from Hawaii, what did you expect?”

Transparency, that’s what we expect.

Whether it’s hot or cold in your part of the woods, or home, you need to stay protected, or as I say, tooled up. To help you do this I am going to have a February S…. The whole month! All 28 days! Any item you want at Big Kahuna is 15% off the regular price. This is the first s…I have had in two years, and it may be that long before it happens again, so take advantage of a good deal while it lasts.

Just put FEBRUARY S… in the comments section of the order form, and we will take the discount off manually in the office.

Alrighty then. I’ve got to go out and buy some meat for the Super Bowl, cuz you can bet your sweet ass I’m not serving any tofu.

Remember: S… at Big Kahuna Security for the whole month of February. Now you can buy your girl a stun gun and roses. I’m such a romantic.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

P.S. GO CARDINALS!

Yesterday I recommended that everyone watch a video someone else passed to me, and last night I got a call from a friend of mine telling me that the whole “Amero” thing was a hoax, and of course I felt like a dumbass. I checked that out, and he was right. The guy in the video has apparently yanked a few chains in his day, and yesterday he got plenty of airplay around the internet.

When you’re a small operation you don’t always check everything that comes through the pipeline because…you just don’t have time. There are many, many things to do, and nobody is paying me to be a fact checker.

But I will apologize when I screw up, like I did yesterday, and own up to sending that along without a cursory look. It fooled a good number of people that I respect too, and it’s hard to be 100% right all the time. Exceptin’ if you’re the old lady, who is always right. And if you don’t believe it, see Rule # 1.

Last night I got an email from Arkansas, (I didn’t know anybody there could read and write, other than Billy Jay and the mizzuz), just kidding, and the lesson from that couple of long paragraphs is that just because you live out in the country doesn’t mean you’re immune to mooks.

Lorraine is 55, (what I would call seasoned), and lives about 7 miles outside of town in a farmhouse with animals of all sorts, and her two dogs, who are a couple of pretty big hounds, and fiercely loyal to her.

She was in one of the barns when she heard the hounds making quite a racket. She left the barn and saw a car creeping up her driveway with no lights. She took off running and made it into the house, and grabbed a telescopic steel baton, and a kitchen knife. Then she remembered her pepper spray was in the car, and she was sheet outta luck on that score.

She ordered the dogs into the kitchen and told them to shut up. Unlike my hounds, they went silent. A few minutes later the mooks came through the front door. They walked through the hallway and into the dining room.

When they crossed the threshold into the kitchen she released the hounds.

The mooks started to retreat, but only the last one in made it further than the hallway. The hounds had the other two mooks down on the floor, and were standing on their chests, letting them know just exactly who was in charge, and how much they would like some more chow.

One of the mooks made a move on one of the hounds, shoving him into the wall, but Lorraine brought the telescopic steel baton down on his wrist hard, and something broke. This terrified the first mook who started praying. (Jesus Christ…don’t hit me! ) At least I think it was a prayer.

Lorraine found her phone and called the cops, who arrived 30 minutes later. (They must have been sleeping at the Donut Shop.) They hauled off mooks one and two, and three was nowhere to be found. The car is still sitting in front of her barn, and so far no one’s claimed it. It’s a pretty nice car for a mook, but the sheriff says if no one claims it soon, it will belong to her.

And it would take a real foolish sumbitch to admit he was the third wheel at the attempted robbery.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/telescopic.htm

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

Most of last week I was in Florida working on a new business venture that I’ll be announcing soon. In my last post I joked about contemplating my fat molecules in the sun, but nothing could be further from the truth. When I arrived in Florida it was 40 degrees, a tad warmer than the 9 degrees it was in northern Virginia when I left, but certainly not warm enough to do any sun bathing.

I started working almost as soon as I landed, and on the day I was leaving, today, I spent 15 minutes in the sun before I had to go check in for my flight home. Maybe I’ll get some sun on the next trip.

While I was away, we had some computer problems that screwed up the mail, and in addition the site was super spammed by erection monsters. That’s all cleaned up now, but there is still some old business to take care of pronto. I’ll be making telephone calls to clear that stuff up as soon as possible.

My good friend Matt Furey sent me a video today that you should watch and send to all your friends.

Http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1954933468700958565&hl=es

As he said in his email today, this is the big reamulus package, and no condoms are included.

I’m still catching up on the mail, but Cartman, (I think it has to do with his job), from Boston sends a note about what happened to him a couple of weeks back.

Big,

I got off work late on Wednesday, and decided to stop on my way home to have, as you say, a couple of malt beverages. I put in a 15 hour day, and my stress level was sky high. Nothing seemed to go right from the time I left the warehouse.

I’m going to skip the gory details, and move to the bar. I had a couple of whiskeys, and a few beers. I watched the Celtics win, and by that time I was pretty much mellowed out. I had put the workday in the rearview mirror, and headed out to the parking lot. I was just putting the keys in the door when I got whacked hard across my left shoulder.

The pain was screaming, and it reflected all the way to my fingers. I fell halfway to the ground, and then my anger brought me back up. I pulled The Runt from my belt, and looked for a body to hit. The pain was so bad I couldn’t make out anything but shapes, and I went for the first one. I grabbed him with my left hand which sent another wave of pain cascading down my arm, but I got The Runt in the mook’s neck, under his chin, and gave him a long jolt. He started screaming and then couldn’t get any more out. I let him fall.

Then I grabbed the second one, and when I did I screamed myself because my arm was not taking kindly to the abuse. This mook tried to pull away, and I slid down his body, and as I did I realized what a fortunate position I had fallen into. I hit the button on his coal sack and tried to turn it into diamonds.

I got up and kicked both of them half a dozen times to remember me by, and headed to the hospital. The verdict was a broken collarbone, and I’ll be out of work for a couple of months.

The good news is that my insurance will pay me 100% while I’m out, and for the rehab too. And its a good thing I never actually got the car door open, because I had some Wildfire on the seat. I sure would have liked to soak those two down before I left, but the shoulder was telling me to get out of there.

Another good thing is that the bar has been doling out free MBM whenever I roll in for not letting the mooks get the best of me. (thatz malt beverage medicine)

I had a pretty good plan, but tell everybody else to stay a little more aware and alert. Maybe go home one malt beverage or beer ahead of when I did.

Cartman

TBK: That’s good advice Cartman, and my prayers for your speedy recovery.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/runtstungun.htm

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/wildfire.htm

Stay very aware, very alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

I always like it when I open up the email and find something relevant…and very funny at the same time. Just plain funny is always good too, but occasionally you get both.

The following was posted on Craig’s List in Savannah, Georgia, and I hope you enjoy it.

“I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriends purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize.

I didn’t expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing that jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn’t that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it?

I know it probably wasn’t much fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have you calling any of your buddies to come help you mug us again.

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet…then I threw the wallet in the dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I’ve only had the phone for a day, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they haven’t permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening calls to the DA’s office with it. Oh well.

So…about your pants. I know I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I’d like to make it up to you. I’m sure you’ve already washed your pants, so I’d like to help you out. I’d like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on your pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk home humiliated.

I’m hoping you reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.

If you read this message, email me and we’ll have coffee.”

I don’t know if this story is true, but it’s relevant and funny. The moral is that if you are carrying, you certainly can turn the tables on a knife wielding mook.

A couple of quick sprays of Wildfire would also have rendered this mook helpless too. In all probability he would have dropped his knife because:

A) He couldn’t see…and

B) All his attention would have been focused on the severe pain in his face…

C) Not to mention all his air passages would be swollen, and it would be very difficult to breathe.

The .45 ACP works fine too, but since he didn’t fire, the mook suffered only humiliation. I’m more of a pain and humiliation guy myself.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/wildfire.htm

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

This morning, as I wolfed down a ham and cheese omelet, a banana and some coffee, I listened as the Democrats unveiled an 825 billion dollar stimulus package that they want passed immediately. Basically that means they want to get it passed before anyone can read what’s in the bill.

If we add the 350 billion and 825 billion we get roughly 1 point 1 trillion dollars, about what I was talking about yesterday. So this is a bigger bill than just the 350 billion I was talking about yesterday, and believe me now and listen to me later, this is nowhere near the end.

This 825 billion dollar bill contains what Democrats call tax cuts. What that means is more rebates to people who don’t pay any taxes in the first place. What that is more aptly described as is welfare. It didn’t work last year, and it won’t work this year. It won’t work even if Robert Reich appears on every television show in America to say that it will.

Somehow Democrats have never figured out that small business drives the American economy. The Democrats idea of a small business is Microsoft, or Chrysler. And in that arrangement they play both sides of the fence, sucking up to the company and the union at the same time. They want to make sure everybody in that arrangement is happy. Microsoft and Chrysler pay less than they should in taxes, and the union gets paid more, and has more benefits than it needs.

They only time Senators and Congressman see Main Street is during a campaign. You may remember when Senator John (Boy)Kerry had national television crews film him, the missus, and the Clintons in a local Burger King, supposedly eating lunch, then they retired to the campaign bus where a more stately catered French gourmet buffet awaited them. Billy Jay kept some onion rings in his jacket pocket as a hedge though.

Protect and defend are the two words you should add to your vocabulary this year, and the sooner the better. It means not only do you protect your person, and those near and dear, but you protect everything that is yours.

This might necessitate moving your bank account, triple checking on all financial transactions, protecting your identity, and keeping a good amount of cash in a safe place.

Because you just never know what these liberal thieves will do next. One thing we know for sure is who the target is.

(I hope I don’t have to splain that.)

Watching all the press conferences over the past couple of days got me thinking about Gel. Now you might think I’m talkin about Dr. Scholls, or even some of that metrosexual stuff some men put in their hair, but I’m talking about Mook Gel, more correctly referred to as Mace Pepper Gel, where a little stream will do them, and a few streams could win you a styling award.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/peppergel.htm

Personally, I like the Magnum Model. It reminds me of Dirty Harry.

“Uh huh…I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire six shots…or only five? Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being that this is a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off…you’ve got to ask yourself one question…Do I feel lucky? Well…do you punk?”

And the Magnum model has 13, (count em!) shots, and a range of 18 feet. Still affordably priced at under thirty bucks, it’s a powerful mook deterrent.

The cold wave is currently keeping a lot of mooks under wraps, but soon the low temperatures will be gone, and they’ll be back to work. There is no time like the present to get ready.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

Last night I was totally engrossed in the Georgetown-Syracuse basketball game when the old lady buts in to ask about the presidential line of succession. Now this is normally something I don’t get involved in when a Big East game of this magnitude is going on. Luckily for her, halftime was coming up in 43 seconds, and Georgetown was up by a substantial margin.

What brought this “I have to know” discussion on I have no idea, but I knew I was going to be stuck answering some questions.

First, what is the line of succession if something happens to the President?

First is the Vice President, Joe Biden. Then the Speaker of the House, (shudder), Nancy Pelosi. Then the (mentally incompetent), Senate President Pro Tempore, Robert Byrd, followed by Mizz Hillary at State. I could go on here, but this scenario is frightening in and of itself.

It seems that a rumor was running rampant where my wife works that something “BIG” was going to happen on Inauguration Day, and all the people there wanted to know who would take over in case that happened.

So I did my level best to persuade her that no such thing was going to happen, and she seemed to find some comfort there.

Then she came back a little later with, “What if everybody in the line of succession is at the event, and something “BIG” happens?”

Well, I don’t know, and certainly don’t want to think about it, but I’m reasonably confident we could work it out quickly, and respond by taking out whole sections of the Middle East with some weapons the other side doesn’t even know exist.

(Oh…I forgot about diplomacy!)

Well…as Ronnie Raygun used to say…when no one could hear, “The only thing to negotiate is the funeral.”

And as I told you yesterday, I’ll be sitting, or laying, in the sun, contemplating my bellybutton, when the Inauguration happens. I’m going to miss Beyonce, The Jonas Brothers, Bruce Springsteen, P Diddymous, and the Queen of Soul, Aretha, (2000 pound bomb), Franklin. And Oprah, and Scarlet, (Penpal), Johansson.

No, I’ll have my headphones on, and I’ll be listening to Ludwig Van. I downloaded just about everything recorded from the Lud V catalog, and when I run out of that I’ll switch to the Chairman of the Board, Old Blue Eyes.

That ought to take me the day before departure, when I tune in one the greatest of all time, Tony Bennett. You just can’t listen to Tony and not be in a good mood.

Anyway, the old lady finally seemed convinced that no one was going to set off a nuclear bomb on the 20th, and I happily went back to watching Georgetown crush the Orangemen from Syracuse.

If you can’t protect yourself next week by going way south and working on tanning all your fat molecules, you might check out the Stun Master Telescopic Stun Baton, which gives you the power to be Obi Wan Kenobi, or Boris Badanov, depending on your own imagination. Thre isn’t any imagining for the mook you use it on though. They’re going to ride the lightning all the way to hell, or Pottawannamee County, as my Uncle Jack used to say.

He used to say, “If you don’t shut up, I’m going to kick your ass all the way to Pottawannamee County!” He doesn’t say much here these days, since he’s too busy telling stories to a rapt audience upstairs.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com.telescopicstunbaton.htm

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

After loading up on some yogurt and bananas I sat in my Commanders chair and watched a bit of the hearing to confirm Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State. She sat in the witness chair next to Chucky Schumer, who smiled all the morning long. Chucky is glad that with Hillary’s departure all but assured, he now becomes the King of New York, Caroline Kennedy being appointed or not.

Hillary sat before a beaming John Boy Kerry, who openly campaigned for the job, and thought he had a deal with B.O.. He must not have read the fine print on the agreement that left him high…and more dry than usual. Kerry, in his largesse, even offered to make Chelsea Clinton (Intern For A Day), as her father had been long ago. Apparently he forgot that Chelsea is now 30, and far past the Lewinsky stage of her life.

Chelsea smiled, and wished under her breath that somebody would take this idiot away and lock him up. But the jester was clearly enjoying his responsibilities as MC, and could not be dislodged.

Then the tough questions began. And ended.

Would the $25 million that Billy Jay has accepted from Saudia Arabia cloud her judgement?

Not a bit.

Would the $100 million Billy Jay has accepted from Dubai, Bahrain, Quatar, and Syria cloud her judgement?

Not a bit.

Billy Jay has an agreement with the Obama administration.

Now the agreement kicks in if Billy Jay accepts more money than he has in the past, and he has a full year to report new donations. The word I heard all day was that this was an unprecedented agreement.

Of course, you must remember, it’s not legally binding, it’s just a memorandum of agreement. And B.O. will learn that his lawyers better get busy on what a letter of understanding is.

I can save them the trouble. It means absolutely nothing.

If, for instance, ole Billy Jay takes $24 million from Saudia Arabia next time, he doesn’t even have to report the transaction. Or if he takes $75 million from the other governments, that’s no concern either.

And with all his millions, (reports are circulating that the number is north of $500 million), you would think Billy Jay would be a stand up guy and pay Hillary’s campaign debts. But don’t hold your breath, because just like the Bailout, the people will end up paying her bills. Even Jon Bon Govi is singing up a storm.

But remember what Billy Jay said, and not what he actually does. “If you work hard and play by the rules you should be rewarded.”

And reward himself he has, although we all know that Hillary doesn’t benefit from a sheckel of that treasure chest.

Meanwhile, on the mean streets not traveled by well healed Democrats, crime, and especially violent crime, is on the rise.

We’re in for some rough times over the next few years, and it won’t be just the government trying to take what’s yours. You can expect the mook army to be out in force soon, and believe it or not they’re going to have sympathizers in the media.

The time to tool up is now.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/doubletroublestungun.htm

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

This morning on both local and national television the plan for inaugural security was displayed in all it’s misconceived glory. Personally, I’m not the least bit concerned, since I’m headed south to the sunshine on that date, and I don’t anticipate any problems leaving the area.

But like Mr. T says, “I pity the fool who stays in town.”

The way the Secret Service has this event planned nobody will get to go.

They have made a security zone so large that if you’re not staying at the Hay Adams Hotel, (Right across the street from the White House), you probably will only have to walk five or six miles to get to the event, where you’ll be strip searched in 20 degree weather before they let you through.

What is one to do?

Well…if I was around…which I ain’t gonna be, I’d adopt the winter football rules. Having been a season ticket holder for years, I’d sell the December tickets to someone who enjoyed standing in the freezing cold, and watch the game from my most comfortable chair with the heat turned up high, and plenty of food and malt beverages. That’s what folks should do for this inauguration, which by the way they can TIVO, and watch as many times as they want to. Hell, they can even watch tapes of other inaugurations too, and stay toasty warm, without having to worry about how the hell they’re going to get home.

And if the whole thing gets tedious, the can always change the channel and watch Regis and Kelly, one of whom has a drop of royal blood somewhere.

Meanwhile, I hope to land where the average daily temperature is 80. Oh poor, poor pitiful me. As the Obama machine puts the petal to the metal I’ll be catching some rays, and contemplating my bellybutton.

Jessie in California wrote in after receiving a box of Kahuna Kandy for Khristmas. “Wow! This was a very unexpected gift from my Dad. At first, I didn’t know what to think…maybe the Old Man had finally lost it. But after a day or two it dawned on me that maybe I was playing it too fast and loose, and needed to make a re-assessment. Now my roommates and I are always carrying protection, and also have it in our cars, and in the house.”

Jessie’s Dad loaded her up with Kahuna Kandy, including the Rechargeable Runt, Electronic Pocket Whistles, and Pepper Mace Batons.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/runtstungun.htm

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/alarm.htm

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/macebatons.htm

If you’ve been reading the big newspapers for the last week or so, they are full of the annual crime is down statistics. Don’t believe a word of it. In fact, you should treat it like there is no financial crisis either.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

I’m back home after spending last week in New York city. There really is no better way to start the New Year than a trip to New York. Many of you might think that it is better to go to the Carribean, or Hawaii, but I get my juice from the energy in New York.

I was staying at a pretty swank hotel during my visit. They had people who had people to wait on you and take care of your every need. Well…not every need, but pretty damn close.

The funny thing about these trips is that I never find any inspiration in any of the really upscale places. The thing I love about New York is the places nobody ever recommends or writes about.

Three doors down from my hotel is a small Cuban restaurant that opens at 6 AM. As soon as you open the door you are transported to another time and place. The music is blaring, the cooks are singing and dancing, and they remember your name and what you like to eat.

As soon as I walked in, there were waves and hello’s, and one of the girls said, “Spanish coffee, cream, sugar, and cinnamon, right?” I nodded. The grillman said, “Cuban, or ham, egg, and cheese sandwich?” I went with the Cuban, which is the real deal, not the phony imitation you get at many places in Florida.

Your breakfast comes in stages. You get the coffee when it’s ready, and the sandwich when it’s ready, and maybe they’ll offer some fried plantains just out of the oil.

Meanwhile the drivers are coming in and out, bringing in everything under the sun. They all get food and drink to go. The clientele is as diverse as you can see anywhere. There are suits, cops, construction workers of all stripes, young and old, short and tall, skinny and fat, and all New Yorkers, by birth or assimilation.

About a half hour after I sat down a young girl walked in with some neon sneakers, which brought out a shout from the grillman, “Hey…where’d you get those Dominican shoes?” That got a huge laugh from everybody, including the girl.”

This kind of spontaneous humor is remarkedly different from the swank joints, where laughter is hardly ever heard.

After a while, I noticed one of the regular girls wasn’t in. I asked the grillman where she was. Two nights earlier she was mugged on her way home after a party. She got whacked around by a couple of mooks, who bruised up her face. She got some extra whacks because she fought them, but she didn’t have enough power to take them down.

Stun guns, and pepper spray, are for the most part illegal in New York. They would have stopped this attack in seconds, and a real working girl would not have had to miss work because of a street beating.

I told the grillman to hold my table, and that I’d be back in a few minutes. I went to the hotel and loaded up a few samples in a bag, then went back to the joint. The grillman, (heeze the owner too), and I had a little chat in the back, and I misplaced my bag of samples. My memory is really hazy these days.

Anyway, my loss is their gain. I forgot a couple of Hot Shots, 3 or 4 Wildfire Sprays, and a box of Lipstick Pepper Spray. There was enough stuff to cover the whole crew.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/hotshotstungun.htm

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/wildfire.htm

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/lipstickpepperspray.htm

New York city is a fabulous place, and it’s made many improvements to make it a safe place to live, work, and visit. But everyone should be able to protect themselves all the time.

The anti personal protection laws are stupid, and should be overturned.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna

When I woke up this morning I had an uncontrollable hankering for

some BBQ. I know that might be a little odd, but I just had to have

some. Luckily for me, I’m a good friend of an ace BBQ man, and I

made a call. He was already at work in his pit, and he told me he

could scratch my itch.

I jumped in my crate and headed out. I no sooner walked in the

back door than I had a tray full of good things to eat, and I washed

it down with some lemonade.

When I got back home I had to take a walk to get the old metabolism

rolling. Once I got started I added some hills to work up a little sweat,

and when I finished I swallowed some fish oil and CoQ10.

Then I started reading the mail.

Ian is a transplanted Aussie living in Sin City, or Las Vegas, as most

of you know it. He has a good gig at one of the spanking new hotel/casino’s, and takes home a fair amount of cash every night, sometimes as much

as $1000.00

He was mugged on his way home about three months ago by three

mooks, and relieved of all his cash. Telling his story to a buddy at

work, he was referred to my website:

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com

He wrote for a little advice, because he was unfamiliar with stun guns

and pepper spray. After I responded, he made some purchases from

my inventory. He found a way to hide the Telescopic Steel Baton on

his bike so that no one noticed. No one seemed to notice that he had

two cell phones either, or the pepper spray on his keychain.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/telescopic.htm

On Friday night he left work, climbed on his bike and rode off,

deciding to stop for a night cap before going home. He hit one

of Sin City’s biggest clubs, and had a drink or two, bumped into

some friends, and stayed until almost 4 AM. The joint was still

jumping, but he needed some sleep. He headed out to the parking

lot. As he approached his bike, he saw three mooks sitting on a

car across from his bike.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/peppersraytri-pack.htm

Incredible as it may seem, it was the same three mooks who

robbed him before. But this time it would be different. He activated

the Pretender Cell Phone Stun Gun in one hand, and pepper spray

in the other. Just as he got to the bike, the mooks moved in. He hit

the first two with the pepper spray, and the third with the Cell Phone

Stun Gun. He gave him some pepper spray too, just for good measure.

One of the mooks grabbed him, so he hit him with some voltage.

http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com/pretender-cellphone-stun-gun.htm

He then grabbed his Telescopic Steel Baton and gave the mooks a

couple of good whacks each. They were down for the count after

that.

Ian woke up late in the afternoon, and turned on the television. A

story caught his eye. It seems three men were attacked by gang

bangers outside a Sin City night club, according to the police. The

men told police they were walking to their car when a group of

people on motorcycles attacked them, and stole the wallets, then

beat them. They were treated at the local hospital, and released.

Ian burst out laughing.

Stay aware, alert, and have a plan.

Aloha kaua,

Nui (Big) Kahuna